He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
