You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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