Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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