guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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