I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
