I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize