dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
