Your face is a jimmy john
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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