I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
