Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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