yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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