ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
