oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
