I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
