oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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