You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
