bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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