i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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