I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
