Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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