once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
