Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
