WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize