Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
