The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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