do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
