that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you would pick up someone in the library
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
