so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
