I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
