dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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