normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
