I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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