was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
