help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
