I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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