Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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