I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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