Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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