I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
