It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
