If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
