I think I died a long time ago.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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