Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
