Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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