I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
