Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
