We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
