im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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