hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
