i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize