Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize