True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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