Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
