Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize