does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize