i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
