I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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