i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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