TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
