can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
