Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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