Kiss
Puke
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
