just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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