I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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