I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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