He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
