um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
stop calling my apartment porn island.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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