In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
