I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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