let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
