he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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