if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
