i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
