Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
