we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
