it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize