I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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