there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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