Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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