He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
