Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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