I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I FOUND THE LEGS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
