so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
