make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
