My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Even the bartender felt bad for me
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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