Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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