I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
